Beloved
by Nfinity
Summary: The death of his wife brings Pippin new understanding of what comes after death as he learns to accept it and move on.


Beloved

A/N: I know this is really short, but I wanted to explore different scenarios of the relationship between Pippin and Diamond, and this is one that I really love. Thanks to all my friends who reviewed my other story. You guys are the uber-best! Hope you enjoy this story too, even though it's a lot darker than the other. :D If you like it, please review (please review even if you don't like it). Thanks, again! N.N.M.

The sun is bright today. Birds are chirping, flowers blooming, and, under normal circumstances, the high clear laughter of children would be heard. But today, though the day gives the façade of cheerfulness, for everyone standing outside by the oak tree it is dark and raining; the rain comes in the form of tears from the eye. A heaviness has settled over those present, all dressed in somber greys and black. The only sounds besides the chirping of birds are the odd sniffle or stifled sob; today is a day of mourning.

I stand here, watching everything with dry eyes, eyes that couldn't form tears if they tried. The mourners that pass me by on their way back to normal life say a few meaningless words of condolence, or pat me on the shoulder, or hold my hand, trying to give a brief moment of comfort. I still can't believe that it happened; that the only person I live for has been taken away from me. It can't be true.

The last of he mourners comes up to me, tears shining brightly in his eyes, his hand slightly trembling as he lays it on my shoulder. I turn my eyes away from the fresh mound of earth beneath the oak and look into the wet eyes of my best friend.

"I'm so sorry, Pippin," Merry says quietly in a voice that breaks my heart and causes the hard shell of self-control to crumble into a pile of dust. I let out a childish whimper and fall forward, unable to move or breath as the full reality sinks in, as I finally acknowledge the emotion in Merry's eyes. My knees buckle from under me and I slide to the soft ground, not feeling it when Merry pulls me into a hug, murmuring nonsensical words. I hear a high keening and am slightly amazed to realize that it's me and tears are running rivers down my face. Everything seems surreal and I feel as if I'm watching myself break down in my cousin's arms from outside of my body, dimly aware that I still feel numb.

"Merry," I can almost feel myself come back to my body, the shock causing me to choke for air again. "She's not gone, Merry." I'm appalled by the weakness in my voice, this reversion to childish tendencies. "Tell me it's not true." I still myself and look into Merry's sorrowful eyes, seeing the truth but still unable to believe it. I grow angry and fight him, trying to hurt him for not lying to me, not allowing me to wallow in my delusions. "It's not true!" I scream as I beat at his chest with my fists, wanting for the first time in my life to cause my dearest cousin pain, to make him deny the truth. Slowly, though, I stop resisting him and break into sobs, crushing my face into his jacket. A single name forms on my lips, and I repeat it over and over as I cling to Merry, trying to shield myself from the pain like I used to shield myself in his arms from bullying children.

"Diamond, Diamond, Diamond," I whisper, the tears slowly stopping, my eyes wide and staring at nothing. She's gone. She's never going to come back. I have nothing left to live for. I prayed to whatever entity of power I still believed in. _Please, take me. Let me be with my love. Don't take her away from me! _I know that at the beginning, I never thought I could love such a coldly beautiful person, and now… I can't bear to have lost her so soon.

I remember dimly in the back of my mind that I have a son, a boy who needs me, needs me to be strong for him. I feel something touch my conscious, the light feathery touch of fingers running through my hair. Peace fills my mind and I hear a soft sigh, sad but not unhappy. I give myself over to the light that shines in my closed eyes and I open them to see a wonderful sight: Diamond standing before me, surrounded by the white light, her very being the light. In her arms is a newborn child, the child that never took a breath in this world. Diamond had lost her life trying to bring little Marianne into this world. But now, Diamond's smile is purely joyful as I gaze in wonder at the pair.

"Diamond!" I let go of Merry, unaware that Merry is calling me back. I stagger blindly, tears streaming from my eyes from the brightness of the light. Diamond's smile grows sad as she gazes at me and the image begins to fade. "Diamond! No! Don't leave me! Not now!" Though I plead, the image grows fainter and the light fades. But, before she disappears completely, I see on Diamond's cheek a single glistening tear. As the peace leaves my consciousness, I hear a soft whisper, and feel a soft pressure on my lips. _Goodbye._ And then the light goes out completely and I'm standing alone, gazing at the giant oak in front of the graves of my wife and child. Faramir is there, on his knees with tears streaming down his cheeks, no sound escaping his lips. I go to him and envelop him in a hug, feeling the sobs that escape him reverberate against my chest.

"It's okay, Farrie," I say softly in his ear. "Everything is going to be okay. Momma had to go with little Mari, she had to protect your sister from harm." Faramir pulls from my grasp and glares at me.

"Why couldn't Momma have stayed with us? Did she not love me?" I try to pull Faramir back to me, but the child resists.

"Momma knew you were a big boy. She knew that you'd be able to survive without her, and she knew that I'd always be here for you. Little Mari is only a baby, she can't take care of herself and protect herself the way you can. And if Momma had stayed, Mari wouldn't have had anyone to look after her. You mother loved you, Faramir, and if she could've, she'd have stayed. But she had to go." I succeed in pulling him back to me, knowing that Faramir's too young to understand. I also know that the words have left an impression on him. "You'll see her again, Faramir," I say softly, feeling him relax at my words. "She'll be there, in the light, waiting for you with your little sister. Someday, I'll be there with you and we'll be a family again, together until the end of time." I look up into the blue sky; catch a glimpse of a glittering star in the waning sunlight and smile, knowing the truth in my words. I send a silent thought to the one I never expected to fall in love with: _I will see you again someday, beloved. _

FIN


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